Mercy Full

Somewhat the title for the Grand Easter Feast this year. However, before I went here, for the past holy week, I felt that I received a full of mercy. 
I really got a lot of rest after long months of working hard. Really hard which I’ll explain in the future. Geez, I also did not imagine I’ll survived this frentic environment. That was over anyway.

Despite of my somewhat missteps for the past weeks, I just finished it and now, I’m building and starting out what I planned. Before doing that, of course, I need to somehow re-energize myself. Watched some movies, ate some japanese food, finish some errands and self studying were the things I did. I wish I could go somewhere or accept invitations from friends, but I don’t know.. All of the sudden, I want to be alone.

I kind of became anti-social. Maybe the reasons behind it were laziness, jealousy, or even feel ashamed. Damn, I felt if I compare myself to them, I’m lost. But anyway, great thing holy week came and I’ll just do the simpler or easiest way to not feel down, or disappointed.. Reflect on myself.
Although I always pray and somewhat doing what I written down in the past months, my first reflection was really… I just need rest. Rest, space or whatever to get away from my job and finsh the important things then have something for myself.

By simply looking at myself and see, analyze and look into my heart. Of course, a lot of questions just circling around me then anxiety as well. I closed my eyes and just talked to Jesus and I only ended up a simple wish.

“Lord, just give me the confidence to start over. I know I’m alone and have zero to none options left, just help me to move into this new path.”

It calmed me down and for the rest of the week, I just started to learn on my work, how to improve and read the books.. Then cook some fishes for the house and helped Mom to finish the chores..
Confession came then yes, after some like months or a year, I’m getting a good hot afternoon sleep! I enjoyed doing it even it’s like steaming hot in my room. Saturday came, watched that geez forget it movie. It was fun but I had more fun when I ate ramen after a very long time.

Then Sunday came.. It was like not only a very long Holy Week, but also it’s Fr Bob’s long recollection. From Palm Sunday, then Saturday’s show at GMA then just hours ago, I saw him again. Even he discussed almost the same thing in all those shows, this time, he discussed a different thing. Surprisingly, he talked about how he gave Mercy to others. He had a really ironic reason why he became a priest. I almost thought, its God’s intervention to him. What struck me was how he forgave that one person who like abused him for a long time and even ended up that person said sorry in a very late time. It’s a long story but it’s heart warming and that is true to me, forgiveness can be given, as long it comes naturally from you. Not forced or obliged, just let God makes way for you to move on.. Then easily forgive this person in the God’s time. Sometimes, like what happened to me, I just forgave this person after all the pain or hurt went away.

After that sharing, then singing came from those surprise big artist then worship and important talks about yes… Mercy. How to receive God’s mercy in different ways. It can be thru tough love, or realizations or sometimes.. Sudden change of heart. It’s a great day to celebrate Easter today, especiall how the church encourages us to always ask Mercy from Him. It should not only apply for this year of Mercy but every time.

Honestly, I did not really mind about that word of Mercy. It’s like this word equals to when somebody getting punished bad or worse, that’s the time you ask for Mercy.

For this year or just for the past holy week.. I realized, mercy doesn’t work that way. Jesus gave full mercy to us, then we should embodied that thru works or acts of mercy and love then yes… If needed, we also give mercy to those who not only need one, but also people who should receive mercy as you received from Jesus. Mercy is like a combination of forgiveness, charity, humility and tough love. Yes, not only love, but tough love..

I hope that thru this holy week, well… I just focus in the brighter side of things and start to work hard in this new path. I claim it’ll work. Please. hahaha

I don’t feel alone anymore due to the mercy I felt not only this past holy week.. For the past like first quarter of this year! Thank God I’m blessed.

However, what I learned about Mercy, if I was able to give it to other people.. Maybe I’ll mercy for myself more.

Ironic isn’t it?

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