Burden

Life.

I’m like spaced out every night, just listening to his rants, or whatever he wants to say or do and answer back by yes. If not, trouble arises which I don’t want to happen, it will be a long night. It’s tiring but I’m getting used to it.

A person who has a lot of plans or actions but seems quite unlucky to it. I guess, it will be a long drought. I’ll be dragged to it.

Dad trying his best to really work hard for a living but due to his sensitive health condition, he cannot work that much unlike before. I told him, just do what you can do. Don’t push yourself.

I’m just worried about him and of course, don’t forget Mom about her needs as well.

Other got sick but great thing she’s feeling better. Other is I don’t know, quite living in a secluded state.

Work is getting lighter due to the schedule but of course the load and targets are harder. With a new TL and members and some new tasks in the future, I’m not sure how can I cope with it.

Friends are getting older and more busy, thanks to FB, I’m getting updates from them. Some, I don’t know what happened to them. But great thing, well I can say, I have really close knit, dependable and loving friends. I have also new friends from the community and some new acquaintance.

I have to take care of myself, although no really serious condition yet, I’m still waiting for a couple of procedures left.. I hope that my healthy routine will start soon. As much I want to have worry free attitude, but when you’re starting to feel something not good, fear comes in.

From broke to dire straits. It’s an upgrade as you can call it, but as time goes by, those drought times, became fewer and less. Being patient and yes, being disciplined in money as I used to do it when I still have that shop.

Sometimes I thought, why am I in this situation. As you see, most of them are not really my problems. I can just leave and go far away and be alone. Or I also thought but not much I want to happen. What if my days are numbered? Or what if that tendency came to my mind and just die. How am I be valued when I’m gone? Or any be? I don’t know. There are times, as much you give something, especially love, nothing comes back. Even a simple thanks. At work, they do it all the time because of the norm, but well it’s a form of motivation for the worker. Outside of it or in my world perhaps. Only few do that. Other than that, I don’t know. Hmmmm

However, I don’t really mind those scenarios or events or crap.. I still continue to do what I should suppose to do. Taking care of those who close to you even it gets to your nerves. Still being patient despite when you are run out one, especially if you have a lot of things to do. Value them because of what they did for you before and now even well, the bad things outweigh some good things. Let’s put it simple, love them still.

Never give up to love them. Never forget them. Never also forget yourself. Control the emotions that might hurt somebody, breathe out and have rest.

Whew, a lot rules or action that I can think of that will really makes me going. One thing that is above the rest, I value relationships now than before. Not only to one person but each person that have a connection through my life. I also value myself as not an attention graber but just want to be heard or want to be alone perhaps.

I also learned one more thing as years goes by. I got closer to Him, as he whatever he brings to me, now…

It’s making sense. Good sense. A blessing. A love beyond measure.

In the middle of all these, at the start of the day, at the end of each moment..

I thank Him for everything. Making me live day by day.. Making me feel love even in the smallest details in life.

Making me valued in my loneliness. Giving suprises that really gives me the simplest joy and making me going forward. As days goes by, love from the people around you surfaces.. A simply thank you or smile makes me relieved.

Now, as I look forward another age, not disturbed by worry, fear and stress for a long time. Whatever I carry now.

In the end, they will be all down.

I cannot do it alone, nor him alone.

Carrying it together.

Forever..

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