Middle Life

After a light blog, let’s go to something dark. After a lousy day, Tuesday I mean. I came home tired, then thinking what happened? I did not leave my shop, yet the sales got bad. I was there whole day. I think I went nuts that moment.

Then, it doesn’t stop there. Mommy of course, asked for help which I can’t give. I went to my room and here’s my younger brother getting mad at me because I am just watching TV (he’s kinda let’s say perky) and yelled at me and oh well, I ignored him. I wish I can just have a place where I can be alone.

All the rants gone away and I was kinda hesitant of going downstairs, I took a bath instead. While taking a bath, I am telling you all those bad thoughts, memories, you name it, going through to my freaking head again. It’s like Gatsu in the episode one. It’s like a curse haunting me. Crap. Of course, I have no Griffith to kill. hehe

Then, all of the sudden, I just kept my sanity. I avoided doing something that will hurt me, myself.

How? I just believed him, there up.. I still believe at the end of these troubles. He will show me the light that he promised.

The problem is where and when?

After that moment, well the bath of course. I thought that maybe, this is a test, I know myself I am so patient.

Yet, this time, it’s already exceeded. I can’t wait anymore, I want to finish all of these mess.

However, maybe I just want to be rewarded for all things I’ve done in this life. But I don’t see one yet. Hehehe Hay, life is definitely ironic. Crappy. Double Edged. Yin and Yang. Heaven and Earth. Or even Heaven and Hell.

I just want to give up.

Like I wrote in one letter, “If I die right now, that’s fine, I already met you. ” hehehe Kidding aside. What I mean, no offense to my family, brothers, best friends, to all the people I met in my life, I am contented to live my life this way. Meeting the people made my life meaningful. I am very grateful to meet you all. Thanks!!!

Happiness, sorrow, hatred, grief, loneliness, victory, joy, and more feelings that I cannot anymore list here, are already here in my heart. Oh, the another feeling that I can say I’m so tolerable, or I can really take it is pain.

But they are all gone, what I meant is, I experienced pain and happiness in different ways. Physically, emotionally. Spiritually, you name it.

What a man I am. You might ask, how and why I am still here.

You know what will be my answer.

I don’t know… You can help me, you might know the answer.

But what do I know is, hope, faith and love keeps me going and going and going until I reach what I call peace. Love and Freedom.

The purpose I have in life, is still not finished.

It sounds crazy but I just accept what will come to me, especially in these harsh times and I will just react in that situation.

Life just goes away….

I thank God for everything whether it was bad or good. I still thank him and love him.

We should to, everyday is like he is giving a chance to live according to our liking.

Aspirations. Dreams and Goals.

It is very hard to do it without him or the people around you. But in the end, what will keep you going is what I mentioned above.

That makes me going. That’s why Gatsu is still alive amidst all the troubles or wars or battles he fought.

That’s why my family, is still here. Or my friends doing what they know is right for them.

Maybe that’s it. Faith, hope and love. And other things as well. I just want to thank them all and I just want to release all my tensions bothering me. Thanks.

Stop that nonsense. hehehehehehe

The important is, we are all still here.

So, go and do what will makes you happy.

I am just plain crazy today.

Thanks to blogging, I can write what’s inside of me… Hay, it just feels great.

Now ungas ka, magtrabaho na ha!!!! hehehe

Like I always say, cut the crap….

Magbasa nga lang yun post ni Raims. hehe

Eto ata nangyayari sa Mid life crisis. Ang bata naman ata. hehe

See ya at the next rant. hehe


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